Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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