I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
