Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
