Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
