When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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