there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
