somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
