fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We had to coat check the pizza.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
