I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
