And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
