did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
