I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
