I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
