They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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