I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
