rhymes with "ouble enetration"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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