Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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