I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
