There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
