I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we're making bets on your personal life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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