Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
