We're facebook friends in real life
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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