I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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