I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
