went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
