I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
