like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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