Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
