The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
