Fuck appropriateness.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
