stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
