At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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