I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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