is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
