If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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