did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
