It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
