If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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