u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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