I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
