If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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