how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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