Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
