Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
