if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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