I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
