I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Where is the hickey?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
