If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
