i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
