The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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