If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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