Can Purell be used as lube?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
