I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
